Unsubscribe

Opting out of crescendo

I’ve never liked New Year’s Eve. Except maybe in the movies (When Harry Met Sally springs to mind immediately).

There’s something about the pressure to be cheerful, celebratory, and resolved that has always felt false to me. As if burnout should be overridden by fireworks. As if reflection must be loud and hope can be summoned on command. Bah humbug.

This year, we arrived home in the late afternoon on the last day of 2025 after five days hiking the Tsitsikamma Trail. The house was in good nick after Airbnb guests, a small mercy. I unpacked, sorted, put things back in their places. The quiet competence of it all. By evening, after running four loads of laundry, I was collapsed in bed with a book, avoiding the performance and forced brightness of a night I’ve never trusted.

And honestly… that felt exactly right.

@charisselouwTsitsikamma Trail South Africa’s Tsitsikamma Trail unfolds over six days through the indigenous afromontane forests, mountain fynbos and river gorges of the Tsitsikamma Mountains, beginning in Nature’s Valley and heading east, ending near Storms River Bridge. It’s a roughly 62km unidirectional journey with five unique overnight huts spaced between crisp morning hikes. We combined Day 1 & 2 : Nature’s Valley via Kalander Hut — a gentle 3–4 km warm-up through coastal forest and fynbos, washed in the sound of the sea and birdsong. Then Kalander to Bloukrans Hut (14 km) climbing up the escarpment 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 and into forested plateaus, with waterfalls and cliff-edge vistas. There’s a real variety of accommodation on the trail from the older huts, to the three A-frames at each site that sleep two, to the newer, lovely huts that feel like a proper reward after a day on the path. Bloukrans is stunning, but we were the last to arrive which means we were in one of the older huts and the snorers and rondlopers next door meant a bad night.

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Walking instead of performing

On the trail, days began with the dawn chorus at around five, and then, almost always, I was the first one out of camp, walking by six. I tend to walk alone most of the day, and I love that. It gives me time to pay close attention… to the Afromontane forests of epic Yellowwoods, the breathtaking fynbos clad mountains, fine textures and grand vistas, the slow companionship of nature and, inevitably, the constant prattle of my monkey mind.

There’s a particular kind of intimacy that comes from walking in nature for eight hours a day. Not striving, or improving… just moving. While attending and listening. Slowly the tight fist of survival unclenches and the merry-go-round of slights and record of who did what to whom slows to stillness.

The trail was beautiful. Really beautiful. And I’m deeply grateful that my body held me through it. A slightly unsettled tummy from all the river water, a bladder that’s still finding its way back, a good kinda tired... and no injury. No collapse. Strength still there.

That matters more than I can easily say. And is a real credit to the 5 days a week I’ve averaged at the gym in 2025. My goal for the year-that-was had been “More strolling, less scrolling.”

@charisselouwSouth Africa’s Tsitsikamma Trail unfolds over six days through the indigenous afromontane forests, mountain fynbos and river gorges of the Tsitsikamma Mountains, beginning in Nature’s Valley and heading east, ending near Storms River Bridge. It’s a roughly 62km unidirectional journey with five unique overnight huts spaced between crisp morning hikes. Every morning I’d wake with the dawn chorus around 5. By 6 I was usually the first person on the trail (and almost always the last to arrive at the overnight stay…I take my time and as a result see A LOT) Day 3: Bloukrans to Keurbos Hut — deep forest, river crossings, and those secret pools that feel like nature’s jacuzzis. Really spectacular, but my feet were killing me this day, it was fantastic to lie under a tree and read my delicious book.

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

The season of false cheer

This time of year asks so much of us. To gather and smile while celebrating continuity when many of us are quietly carrying rupture. To be grateful without being honest about what it costs.

I am tired of that.

Tired of pretending that endings are neat and of acting as though a calendar shift magically resolves what is unfinished.

What I want now is not fireworks, but structures that support freedom. Not performance, but truthful pacing.

@charisselouwSouth Africa’s Tsitsikamma Trail unfolds over six days through the indigenous afromontane forests, mountain fynbos and river gorges of the Tsitsikamma Mountains, beginning in Nature’s Valley and heading east, ending near Storms River Bridge. It’s a roughly 62km unidirectional journey with five unique overnight huts spaced between crisp morning hikes. Day 4: Keurbos to Heuningbos Hut — diverse habitats, river valleys and tall fynbos giving way to rich, ferned forest. My personal fave day on the hike. Possibly cos I had a good sleep in the A-frame the night before, & my feet had adjusted to the pain. Long DMC with my boy en route sweetened the deal. Gorgeous views. And ended up in the new hut at Heuningbos which was a real treat. There are hot showers every day. You have to light the donkey and keep it stoked - it will be hot within an hour. Nice swimming nearby. You can pay porterage. We paid for one of us - you get 30kg. That helped a lot to minimise the load.

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Entering the year differently

We’re stepping into 2026 — the Year of the Horse. A year associated with movement, stamina, independence, and leaving stagnant enclosures. Honestly I’m poep scared of horses (don’t come for me Noordhoek horse girls). I have ridden a few and it always felt like a tremendously risky business. Such large and willful beings should be left well enough alone in my book.

But perhaps this is a year of conditioning. Of preparing the body, work, life to be more mobile… more honest and less trapped.

I was at the gym first thing on this the first day of the year. I’m excited to return to my work. So much new course work to prepare — I have my heaviest teaching load at the University ever. And there’s the small matter of a dissertation to complete.

No grand resolutions.

@charisselouwSouth Africa’s Tsitsikamma Trail unfolds over six days through the indigenous afromontane forests, mountain fynbos and river gorges of the Tsitsikamma Mountains, beginning in Nature’s Valley and heading east, ending near Storms River Bridge. It’s a roughly 62km unidirectional journey with five unique overnight huts spaced between crisp morning hikes. This is Day 5: Heuningbos to Sleepkloof Hut — long, glorious fynbos climbs and panoramic views, ending in dense forest perched above a gorge. I honestly nearly threw up & passed out because it was HOT and exposed and two mountain passes was a lot!!! It was the only day that I was “krying swaar” as we say here. Putting my feet up in one of the lovely new huts with my fab book was delicious. A young American couple are the models for the cover image 🤩 Day 6: short Final leg to Storms River bridge was a breeze & a little anticlimactic tbh. It pained me to see how MTO has allowed pine plantations to run rampant in places, overshadowing what ought to be a delicate, indigenous ecosystem. It’s a stark reminder that even wild places can bear the mark of neglect. Sharing another multi day trail with my son was a joy I can’t fully express. Each day offered lessons — and he distilled his into five Ps over five days — a sweet echo of a teaching from his great grandpa Ike who’s teachings to law students was: Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. Now we head home. My body is a little weary from all the walking, but my soul feels restored, steadied by the rhythm of trees and streams. I’m reminded of what it is to be in relationship — with the world, with people, and with the deep, dynamic flow of learning that comes from moving through shared and solitary spaces alike.

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Walking on

If there’s an intention I’m carrying forward, it’s this:

I am choosing not to abandon myself anymore.

That includes my exhaustion, and ambivalence, my desire for solitude and depth.

And my need for structures that don’t demand constant self-erasure.

The trail reminded me of something simple and essential — I am still capable of sustained movement. Of walking my own way, at my own pace, attentive to what’s alive around and within me.

That feels like a good way to begin.

@goflow42

Charisse Louw on Instagram: "#tsitsikammatrail Look at this wor…

Walking Toward South America

In June, I’ll be traveling to Brazil (que emocionante! Um sonho de infância... como está meu português?) to present at the Domitor Conference, where I’ll be sharing work that emerges from my research into African cinema, feminist new materialisms, and indigineous ways of knowing. I’m genuinely excited about the conversations this work opens and I cannot wait to set foot on the South American continent for the very first time.

So I want to say this plainly and without embarrassment:

I’m exploring ways to extend the trip, offset costs, and ideally find paid work or collaborative opportunities while I’m there.

This might look like:

• guest lectures or short teaching stints

• workshops ~ embodied research methods, somatic approaches to theory, creative-academic practice

• writing or reading groups

• retreat-style offerings that combine movement, reflection, and theory

• introductions to universities, research groups, or cultural institutions in Brazil or elsewhere in South America

• advice about funding streams, residencies, or grants I might not yet know about

If you’re reading this and you’re based in South America or have networks there, or you’ve navigated academic travel funding in creative ways, or you simply have a hunch, a contact, or a possibility to share, I would love to hear from you.

I’m not looking for a single solution or a grand plan — just conversations… small openings that might weave into something sustainable.

One of the things this past year has taught me is that independence doesn’t mean doing everything alone. It means learning how to ask clearly, honestly, and in good time.

If something comes to mind, you can reply directly to this post or email me.

Sharing this could also help more than you know.

Thank you for walking alongside me, on trails literal and otherwise.

@goflow42

Charisse Louw on Instagram: "Tsitsikamma Trail ⛰️ 🥾 💚 5 days.…